Things I am a fan of: Horror Movies

Nothing quite gets me wide awake and creative like a good old fashion bought of terror.  Haunted houses, scary stories, whatever inexplicable horror this is; just that good old adrenaline pumping fear that gets your heart racing and mind going down dark alleyways with strangers with the promise of candy.

Unfortunately, a lot of horror movies coming out as of late aren't really all that scary.

Oh no, attractive girl in her underwear!  THE PURE ABJECT TERROR!

 The Unborn for instance, starts off with a fairly solid premise:

• Girl starts having weird dreams as her brown eyes turn blue
• Weird shit starts happening around her
• Demon child brought into this world as a Nazi experimentation on children tries to free itself through her by tearing through her uterus
• ???
• Profit!

Unfortunately, it falls flat in a lot of areas.  A lot of the actual creep factor was brought on by the special effects and lots of creatures with their heads on upside down.

This is scary, right?

Otherwise, a lot of the actual scare factor was brought on by shameless "jump scares" and even a mirror take or two.  All considering not all that scary, just...shocking more than anything.

Another movie in slightly more recent times was Drag Me to Hell.  Similarly, it had good promise to it:

• Girl is working at bank but is reprimanded by her superiors to stop being so nice
• Old Granny Gypsy comes in begging for an extension on her loan payments
• Girl grows a pair and says "no"
• Old Granny Gypsy hides out in girl's car and ambushes her on the way home (physically)
• Old Granny Gypsy places curse on girl
• Girl is haunted by evil demon that will ~lo-and-behold~ drag her to Hell in a few days!
• ???
• Profit?

Pictured: The best scene in the whole movie.

Even the movie poster has solid intentions!  It very clearly shows you exactly what you're in for: some sort of evil force dragging an attractive young woman into the depths of Hell!  However, the build up to that point in the movie is nigh insufferable, relying mostly on more jump scares and loud sound effects to frighten you rather than solid plot and development.  The whole thing just leaves the viewer to question what they just spent the past hour and so minutes wasting their life on.

Turning away from movies I wasn't fond of: Paranormal Activity made me afraid to sleep with any of my limbs hanging out of the covers for weeks after viewing it.  Hell even now I make sure that my comforter is wrapped around me as tight as it will go to make sure that some invisible phantasm doesn't grab me by the leg and drag me down the hallway.  The thing that I think makes this movie most scary is the fact that you don't see what is going to destroy you're sanity: it preys upon the fear of the unknown and turns your own imagination against you.

Pictured: Your worst nightmare come to life.

Another one that geninuely creeped me out was Quarantine.  It takes the idea of the zombie and translates it away from the idea of a reanimated corpse by turning it into an actual living creature brought on by a horrible disease, much like the 28 Days Later franchise did.  I think that's what makes this movie so scary: that these creatures are still living people who you knew and lived with that want to violently tear you limb from limb to satiate their ravenous hunger and disease induced rage.

Which kind of brings me to one of the things in most recent times is Marble Hornets.  It's a youtube series that is done as a series of entries based on video tapes previously recorded and now being watched in a retrospective manner while the main character tries to piece together a complicated web of lies revolving around his one friend.

Oh...and he's in it too...

Yeah.  Something about Slender Man scares the ever-loving bejesus out of me.  I know he's not an actual enitity, but...something about a shapeshifting abomination that steals the sanity of its victims before possibly disemboweling and/or eating them in his own pocket dimension strikes JUST the right nerve to keep me awake at night.  Marble Hornets actually does a really solid job of keeping him just in the background of many of the shots, drawing attention to him only when you absolutely need a good pants wetting.  Their erstwhile nemesis totheark is nothing to snuff at either.

 

You know what you did.

So, as I wrap this up at 12:30 at night in a hundred year old house set out in the woods under the light of a nearly full moon, I plan on wrapping myself up in as many blankets as possible and set myself down for a good, long night of not sleeping out of all the fear I just stirred up in my own mind.

Thanks me.